Today I am sad, I really feel like I could cry at any given moment. I have no clue why the day has started off wonderfully, Everyone was in a great waking mood this morning, I forgot nothing and work is going smoothly. I started going over my calendar for the first of the year to ensure that I have everything scheduled properly I realized that in March Addie will be having her 5 year well visit, as well as her school check-up so that she can start school in the fall.
I am choking up just trying to type it out. I am not prepared for this in fact I am quite the exact opposite of anything remotely prepared, to send my first born out into unknown territory. How do I express all of my concerns without sounding like a complete crazy person? I don't know where to begin to do anything to prepare her or I, I don't even want to try. I want my baby to stay with me so I can protect her and so that I can make sure that she learns what she needs to learn and not all of that extra stuff that other people teach their kids. I want her to spend every day being cared for by someone that loves her more than life itself. I don't want her to be bullied, I want to protect her sweet sweet soul from the destruction that the world is capable of. I don't want to let her go, I never thought I would have THIS much agony and distress over this matter.
Due to Today being the day after a holiday, I have a shortened lunch so I only have 30 min, which is not quite enough time to go home and love on my girls and return back to work on time. This really enhances my feelings of insecurity today, since those babies are my release, they take all of the bad in my life away, always.
Money is super tight and then some(not that that is anyone’s problem but my own)therefore I cannot force myself to go and get something to eat from Bojangle's since that is not a necessary expense right now, so coffee will be my lunch and maybe whatever I can scrounge from my desk drawers.
I feel the weight of everyone else's pain on me, I have many friends that are going through something right now I am very sad for them. I take their concerns and feel them as they were my own concerns in my life and it really pulls me down further.
I have spent a lot of time in prayer today and will probably spend a lot more, God is good and he bears my burdens, I am beyond thankful that I don't have to carry all of this alone.
Although I usually enjoy a good rainy dreary day, it could just be the weather. There are just so many emotions going on right now.
This is going to be a great year, each new day is a blessing and I am thankful for the life I have been given. I am thankful for Jesus and his sacrifice, I am thankful for the promise of forever with my Lord and Savior.
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