Abundant Life

One year ago today, I stepped into a life unimaginable, a life almost unfathomable especially for a grounded, down to earth kind of person like myself.  Never in my wildest imagination would I have ever thought my self to become a Missionary, yet here I am, one year later and living this life abundantly.  You see, for me life has always been a bit of a struggle.  I have suffered many years filled with fear, worry, and clear separation from the world around me,  The very thought of changing my everyday routine would send me in a spiral downward to the darkest places of my heart thinking about the what ifs and what could be s of my fear.  Planning, preparing and looking for a solution before I could be blindsided by that very thing that I thought would crush me completely.  It was daily, that my mind went through these circles of doubt, worry and distress, making it almost impossible to have a relationship with me.  I couldn't focus on the everyday tasks of caring for myself, much less my family.

Yet through all of me, God chose.  I can't begin to describe the overwhelming humility that I feel when I think about what He did for me, just by calling my name and drawing me to Him.  I know it seems a little on the seeing before believing side of things, but in the last year I have experienced so much cleansing from the evil that once found a comfortable home in me.  I am not me, I am His.

In last year God has revealed so much of Himself to me,  I am so unworthy, but for some reason He sees fit to continue pouring His Spirit over me.  Through this, I have been able to overcome much of what I once struggled with.  What I once deemed important enough to spend countless hours sulking in and processing suddenly wasn't so important anymore, not because my children's health isn't important to me, but because the worry wasn't any good for helping it.  I am not in control, I never have been.  So why would I strive so much to be?   Because I can't see everything outside of my realm of life and I shouldn't have control when I don't know it all.  Then  I think,  if, just if, He cares for me so much that He would invest so much into my life as He has this past year,  why wouldn't He do the same for my family?   I don't love them as much as He does,  I can't.  But what I learned about myself is that the very thing that I was holding on to, trying to control was the one thing preventing me from experiencing true freedom in an abundant life.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10 https://www.bible.com/59/JHN.10.10

This life becomes abundant the moment that we stop holding ourselves hostage to our worries over things that we cannot control.  God is in control all the time, He makes himself known to me daily, multiple times.  I am living proof that when allowed the thief will come to steal kill and destroy, He almost did it to me.  Praise God for His never ceasing, unending concern for me, that He would be there every time I pushed Him away and every time He called me back.  He calls me to Him and builds me up as I revel in His sovereignty.