Saturday, February 22, 2020

Walking by Faith


 When Chris and I were being called out into faith it was the hardest time in my life.  Looking back, I know that it was the time that laid the foundation to know the abundance that He produces when we have faith, but when we were in the midst of it, I saw things from a different point of view.  I had never walked in faith before, I proclaimed faith, but to my knowledge I had never been asked to walk in it.  Many tests came in life before this moment, but those were strengthening through storms, this time it was different, it was us being required to walk out of our peace.  Into an unknown that can make any controlling, over-protective, strong-willed, helicopter mom/wife tremble with fear.  There was no control left in me and that was, something that before my faith walk would have produced debilitating, but because of the remembrance I had of the testing that we had experienced He had produced in me steadfastness and I had peace. 
I have never in my life with Chris known him to be so completely adamant about something, (I mean he quit his job without even discussing it with me, first!) I knew there had to have been something that he had experienced that I didn’t understand, and there was.  God had spoken to him; God placed a vision in him, and God called him. I tried with everything in me to reason, how we could follow yet still stay in control of the things that made me the most fearful; a considerable less income, to support and already in debt family, to live in a place that was less desirable in accommodations that would potentially compromise the health of my beloved family that I had struggled so greatly through obtaining years before.  Even though everything in me should have been pulling me further away, I learned that in submission I would receive peace. God will care for my every need (financial, spiritual, physical) in His timing, I prefer to be prepared knowing that my needs will be cared for, but if I only trust in what I have and can see then I will lose what I am leaning on.  When in the desert God showed the Israelites the need to trust in His provisions, in only allowing them to take food for the day because He was going to provide, if they took too much faithlessly then it would rot.
  Just as Chris was called to follow, I was called to support his calling, he is the head of our house.  It was made clear to me that in stressing over the things that were out of my control or more so trying to control the things God had covered, I was preventing Chris from following His call. Remember when Eve took matters into her own hands or when Lot’s wife looked back?  Let me make it clear that I did not hear his calling, I was not seeing his vision and the pull that he felt to move was not in me and only made me want to plant my feet even more just to retain some of the control that we had spent our lives to build (or at least so I thought). 
                In the last 5 years after stepping out in faith, we have been provided for abundantly, we have been loved and prayed over, we have been lifted up and we have received the promises that He made to us at the beginning of this walk time and over again.  He is faithful, even when we are not, He is always, and I praise Him for that!  I have experienced His goodness in ways that I could have ever imagined in my life before.  It was the greatest struggle emotionally as it was physically, but He has produced in me a faith that “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me”, there is nothing that I need but Him. And as long as I am in Him, He is in me and I cannot fall. 
Walking in faith is not for the faint at heart, He calls those that He knows will follow and through it He strengthens them to receive greater blessings.  If you have a little faith, He will require you to use more, if you have proclaimed your faith, He will require you to show it, live it and walk in it. But even greater than that He promises to and will be with you and bless you through it!  Trust that His promises are good, and He can do far more abundantly than we could ever imagine.  Be encouraged in my testimony that I have seen Him move; I have gone from walking blind, to seeing clearly all things that He reveals through my faith walk.  My calling may not be your calling but be aware that if you are called, He expects you to follow in faith and He reveals Himself more as you do. You will see Him, but you must move before He shows Himself, because in believing you will see. In my experience, the more I see, the more I want to see, therefore the easier and easier it gets for me to walk in faith.  But trust that if you are being called to support another’s calling your faith or lack there of could potentially make or break the mission at hand.  God’s way will always be, and He will make His plans prosper, He will call and if the called don’t respond, He will call another.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Abundant Life

One year ago today, I stepped into a life unimaginable, a life almost unfathomable especially for a grounded, down to earth kind of person like myself.  Never in my wildest imagination would I have ever thought my self to become a Missionary, yet here I am, one year later and living this life abundantly.  You see, for me life has always been a bit of a struggle.  I have suffered many years filled with fear, worry, and clear separation from the world around me,  The very thought of changing my everyday routine would send me in a spiral downward to the darkest places of my heart thinking about the what ifs and what could be s of my fear.  Planning, preparing and looking for a solution before I could be blindsided by that very thing that I thought would crush me completely.  It was daily, that my mind went through these circles of doubt, worry and distress, making it almost impossible to have a relationship with me.  I couldn't focus on the everyday tasks of caring for myself, much less my family.

Yet through all of me, God chose.  I can't begin to describe the overwhelming humility that I feel when I think about what He did for me, just by calling my name and drawing me to Him.  I know it seems a little on the seeing before believing side of things, but in the last year I have experienced so much cleansing from the evil that once found a comfortable home in me.  I am not me, I am His.

In last year God has revealed so much of Himself to me,  I am so unworthy, but for some reason He sees fit to continue pouring His Spirit over me.  Through this, I have been able to overcome much of what I once struggled with.  What I once deemed important enough to spend countless hours sulking in and processing suddenly wasn't so important anymore, not because my children's health isn't important to me, but because the worry wasn't any good for helping it.  I am not in control, I never have been.  So why would I strive so much to be?   Because I can't see everything outside of my realm of life and I shouldn't have control when I don't know it all.  Then  I think,  if, just if, He cares for me so much that He would invest so much into my life as He has this past year,  why wouldn't He do the same for my family?   I don't love them as much as He does,  I can't.  But what I learned about myself is that the very thing that I was holding on to, trying to control was the one thing preventing me from experiencing true freedom in an abundant life.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10 https://www.bible.com/59/JHN.10.10

This life becomes abundant the moment that we stop holding ourselves hostage to our worries over things that we cannot control.  God is in control all the time, He makes himself known to me daily, multiple times.  I am living proof that when allowed the thief will come to steal kill and destroy, He almost did it to me.  Praise God for His never ceasing, unending concern for me, that He would be there every time I pushed Him away and every time He called me back.  He calls me to Him and builds me up as I revel in His sovereignty.


Tuesday, March 7, 2017

The plans of the heart

The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. -Proverbs 15:28(ESV)


I have been very burdened lately over the things that people are willing to allow to come out of their mouths.  I, myself, have struggled with this greatly, my whole life.  I, in my human nature, have always thought myself to "have a right".  As a teenager/young adult I had a right to speak my opinions on things,  I had a right to have what I wanted out of life, because I was living this life just like everyone else.  Well, guys and gals, this has definitely been one of my major downfalls as well as one of my greatest regrets in my life.  I missed half of my life. Half of my soon to be 35 years of life on this earth has been wasted on me.  What a worthless reason to spread so much hate and disgrace into an already crumbling world.

I am sure that my burden lies within my remorse and though I still struggle with fits of anger, in which Satan takes the opportunity to attack others through my words,  I am thankful that God allows me to gain wisdom from my weaknesses.  There are times that I really don't hear what comes out of my mouth until it's out and others that I calculate the repercussions of what I am saying and consider my words.  I am saddened to admit that many times I chose my words, knowing the response just because I am evil at heart.

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.  -Matthew 15:18(ESV)

Why is it that I actually CHOOSE to break someone down instead of using the words that God can equip me with to build up if I would only search my heart first.  It's because Satan has the power to make us recount all of the past pains that we have sustained and the moment that we let go of our control of our anger is the EXACT moment that we allow him to rush in and take over.  It's instant,  have you wondered how an argument can go from 0-60 in .5, that's how.  It's like breathing out and inhaling all of his demons to take over heart, mind and body.  And boy are they toxic, so toxic to every part of our being and if we are unable to discern what is happening when we lose control  it can even have the potential to damage our relationship with our God and Creator.  Thankfully, His grace and mercy are never ending and we are cleansed faster than we were polluted.  You see where I fall short is where my God picks me up every time, but what I need to learn from His example is that grace will always win, regardless of what my flesh thinks and feels.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as good for building up, as it fit the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.  -Ephesians 4:29(ESV)

Breaking someone down does not yield the rewarding feeling that we think it is going to yield when contemplating what to say.  We need to resist that feeling, THAT is NOT God talking to you,  just so that you can get the zinger you are entitled to.   God would NEVER (and I am not in the business of speaking on God's behalf), but nonetheless I know that He would never give you words to destroy for our own benefit.  Instead what it does is create balls of hate within us that tears US down, piece by piece until we are nothing but a pile of ashes.

Wow.  That tangent was unintended, I guess you can see what kind of a day I have had thus far....

I digress,  my original intent for this post was the outpouring of hate on people by people that don't even know them!  And comment after comment building on the hate of the one before, for reasons that are so stinking minute to the real war at hand that I can see it is only Satan's way of distracting to allow others to breathe him in so that he can be in control.  I am so heartbroken over what they cannot see,  that they really, surely cannot know what they are doing.  I am so sad that I, myself choose to allow him to have this control over me from time to time when I KNOW what I am doing.  God allows these experiences to humble us, for reasons we cannot always see.  I stay on that side of the ring most days but will take the humility any day over the hate,  I have been there and I hated it.

The heart of the wise is in that house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.  -Ecclesiastes 7:4(ESV)


Wednesday, December 30, 2015

God answered my prayer with a heart attack.

Thursday, December 3rd was a very normal day, Chris had left in the morning when I left for work, dropped the girls at my parent's house, and went to Camp. We only spoke once when he got there and the rest of my day was in classes while he was to be working hard cleaning out the basement with Jon. Well throughout the day I had, had difficulty with my phone, couldn't make calls out, etc. so it was a wonder that Chris was able to get through to me when he did. But as I was pulling to the stoplight on my way to pick up the girls, he called and asked me a series of questions about heart attacks, all while seeming to be out of breath. When I asked, why, he replied with words a wife and mother of 3 small girls, NEVER wants to hear, "I think I'm having a heart attack".

Thankfully he was right near an Urgent Care Facility and I was able to turn at the light to head his way. Now, I can't say that I was completely with it at all from start to finish, but every moment I stopped and went to prayer, God was there. He never once, forsook me. Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” That gave me strength, every time, never once was He delayed. After he was in the door, I got one call out, to my mom and I will tell you, it was no easier saying it than it was to hear it. I couldn't have been 4 or 5 minutes behind him, when I got to his room they were hooking him up to the EKG, he was pale, clammy looking, taking very shallow breaths, delayed and weak. The nurse printed out maybe a 2 inch piece of the EKG reading and turned out the door, immediately the Dr. came in with a rush of information and instructions. "Mr. Hughes we think you are having a heart attack", "we have called 911", "the paramedics should be here shortly they will take you to the hospital", "do you have chest pain?”, “does it go through to your back?", "shortness of breath?", "do you have nausea/vomiting?", "do you have pain in your arm?", and with every answer, he confirmed and she lost color, “I am going to give you a baby aspirin, I want you to chew it, it will not taste good but you must chew it then we will give you nitroglycerin it will go under your tongue it will help with your pain." You know in the movies when the loved ones pass out from the shear shock of what is happening? Well that's real, I immediately felt the rush of reality, the realization that immortality is not real. I felt my heart break that my husband, the one being that knows me second best of all, the sole partner in my life, my children's father, the leader of my family was having a heart attack. I lost my breath, my heart literally skipped a few beats in pain, and I had to sit down and breathe. This was not in my control, we are in God's hands, the best possible hands to be in, He will sustain me. I got up and stood with him, then the paramedics arrived, they loaded him on the gurney hooked him to their machines, dropped another whole load of information on me at 5 sps(sentences per second) speed, we prayed, and they were gone. I left to meet them at the hospital.

By the time that I got to the ED (rush hour traffic...)the EMT driver was waiting for me at the door with my visitor pass, he walked me straight back to Chris in the holding room where about 20 nurses/attendings/etc. were waiting for me. Once I arrived I was whisked across the hall by 3 of them who then spoke to me about what was happening, what was going to happen and what needed to happen. Once they spoke with me they ran , literally, with police escorts and all down the hall to the Cath lab. After the emergency cath and stent, the Dr. came down to talk to me about what he found and how the procedure went. After explaining the procedure and what is to come, he wrapped up with "right now what we need to do is get all of our prayer warriors going, because prayer is what we need the most." Right then I was immediately at peace, God placed this man to be right where he needed to be to use his faith to guide him through caring for my husband. I am so thankful. Later I found out that the Cath lab had closed for the evening and everyone had left for the day when they called to notify them that Chris was on his way in by ambulance. The Dr. had to turn around and come back to the hospital and re-open the Cath lab for him. As we were going over his future limitations briefly, the Dr. says "so you run a youth camp?"...As sick as he was, having a heart attack and all, he's laying on the bed as the Dr. is about go into his heart and is talking about camp. There are times in our walk with Christ that He lifts us up that we might sing His praises, this was one of those times. As he still had breath to speak, God gave him the words, and I am so thankful for the strength that he was given to use the platform provided to share Christ.

We have been praying for so much lately, for direction with the camp, for clarity in our calling, for opportunity to share Christ, for time to get our house prepared to go on the market, for a break. I personally have been in prayer over feeling God move in my life, this was my answer. Never have I felt Him move more than he did that night or in the hours/days/weeks to come. God is so faithful to provide, we have been showered with support and love from many. With prayers that reached God's ear and He obliged so beautifully. To spare my best friend his life here on earth and to make us all stronger because of it. Blessings come in many different forms and though I can't count them all, I know that each was fitted perfectly by my Father just for me. Just like a diamond, there are numerous facets, that Christ has carved into us to make us shine brighter, it is our prayer that we never lose that sparkle. When we pray, our minds go to our ideal answers, God knows so much more than what we could ever fathom and I am thankful that He doesn't usually take my suggestions. His healing is so perfect, more than just physical, He heals spiritually so deeply that it causes an unrest that can only be calmed by His hand. To fall prostrate in awe and wonder has new meaning and I am thankful that it is not possible for me to feel the full effect of that in my current state, I am not worthy. One day I will know more and I pray that that day my soul will be completed in Him so that I will be able to feel all of His glory without exploding.

  Ephesians 3:14-21 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

I will leave you with this, God is good, this is the truth that I have and I live with every day in all things. He never fails and will never leave us. The moment that you come to this realization it will all make sense, everything will fall into place. I am not perfect, never have been and at best I am nowhere near worthy of His affection, yet He doesn't let my shortcomings interfere with His love or the abundance that He pours into me and our lives. In Christ I have been redeemed and God the Father sees me as righteous through His Son.  My praises will never end. Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. We are all called to do His will and we all have specifics, we need to pray for God to reveal them to us, that we may sacrifice our lives as He sacrificed His own.

  I am thankful and humbled that God chose Chris to use for His glory. This heart attack has been more of a blessing than I can express in words. I am so humbled at the way He chooses to display His great power and love for us. God IS good, all the time.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

RIP Grand Caravan

In July 2014 we took a couple extra days off of work to take a long weekend beach trip. This would have been our first trip to the beach this summer and although we went to Disney World earlier this summer this was going to be our only "vacation", since who can really vacate in Disney World with 3 children, 5 and under. This also would have been Eva's very first trip out to the ocean since last year she was an infant not to mention she spent most of THAT trip in the hospital. So we were SUPER excited about this trip to say the least to get to play out on the beach as a family of five! We got a great head start, getting on the road by 1:30pm and were making great time! Eva started getting fussy a bit in as I realized that I had left her milk cup in the fridge at home. This presented no worries, because I had an extra cup and a bottle of water so we were going to be able to make do until we could get to the grocery store. Then she started complaining about her diaper, so we pulled off to change her only to find that we had forgotten not only the diaper bag but also the bag of diapers that I had packed. So we got back on the road, discouraged, but headed for the next available Wal-Mart. I do want to add that Addie (my little Mama)HAD in fact packed Eva some diapers. We could see off in the distance that there was a storm ahead of us, but we didn't realize that it was moving towards us. Just as we lost signal to our GPS the rain hit. We were doing just fine when I noticed that we had passed a few cars stopped under overpasses then I looked up to see that the two cars in front of us were hydroplaning. I just mentioned it nonchalantly to Chris when he replied "we are too, we have been hydroplaning this whole time". At that point we both looked back to check on the girls(Cara has a tendency to wiggle out of her seatbelt without us knowing)everyone was in their seats buckled doing exactly what they were supposed to. As I turned around I hear Chris say "here we go!" and then the back started to fishtail. During the next chain of events I can only remember bits and pieces... I remember seeing Chris' hands turning the steering wheel back and forth as he tried to keep us inline, and I could see everything outside the window spinning through my peripheral vision, but my eyes never left Cara. I was sitting angled to the side a bit and she was the only one in my view. All of a sudden something popped behind my head and we had stopped moving. When we stopped, we stopped perfectly in the middle of the median away from traffic. No sooner had we stopped, an eighteen wheeler shot past us in the left lane. I turned to the right to see the airbag had deployed immediately unbuckled and jumped in the back to check on the girls. They were fine, really scared and shaken up, so we started praying. We thanked God for his protection and asked for peace over our fears. Chris had gotten out of the car to assess the damages and call 911 when he got back in the car we prayed again. The storm was so severe outside that as soon as Chris got back into the car while we were praying the car was shaking back and forth vigorously from the rain, wind and thunder! Then all of a sudden, calm, the sun came out and all was clear. I believe it was when the airbag deployed, but within the mechanics of the van (as a security feature)it is set to automatically shut down so once the car stopped moving we were unable to turn it back on. We didn't sit there long before a couple of trucks on the other side of the road pulled over to check on us. Chris had already called 911 but we didn't know where we were, the GPS lost signal just moments before the accident( which I think may have been caused by the storm, if that's even possible). So thankfully they were able to tell us where we were, before we knew it 3 more trucks had pulled over on our side of the road and there were people putting cones out around our car and they were directing traffic around us. These people are volunteers that actually just drive the highways to assist people in need and I thank God that they were there. They were able to call us an ambulance and the highway patrol. I would say about 30 min later, although at this point I had no perception of time, the trooper showed up. I had yet to get out of the car but Chris said that he was pretty sure it was totaled. So I took this opportunity as Chris and the trooper were discussing the state of the vehicle to get out and take a look for myself, surely it wasn't THAT bad (I thought). But as I got out of the driver's side of the vehicle(since none of the doors would open on the passenger's side), well I then could see what he was talking about. See, when we started hydroplaning we spun, hitting the median on the passenger side, then we bounced back and spun around hitting the median on the driver's side, bouncing back out and spinning around another full revolution before coming to a stop. We probably went a half of mile before the car came to a stop. The median had basically cut around the vehicle like a can opener. But, you would really have to see it to get the full picture. After assessing the chain of events and the vehicle, They decided to try and start the car. It started!!!! So the trooper had us drive down the road a bit while he followed us to make sure that there was nothing leaking or falling off of the car and it drove perfectly, not so much as a pull from the wheel! No ticks nothing, so we drove home! It was nerve racking, but God carried us safely home. What a blessing it was to have God protect us as He did!!! Not only were we all safe with not so much as a scratch, but the settlement amount was plentiful for what we needed and just look at the beauty we were able to upgrade to! God is good in his constant protection and provisions, there is nothing more than I can say. I am overwhelmed by His grace that He gives us in abundance. I am thankful that He chose to cover our family during this and that we were able to walk away to give our testimony. Please, I beg of you, if you do not know Christ as your savior, please ask. Find Him and invite Him into your heart, it is not the protection that He has given us here on earth, but the protection that He has promised us beyond the here and now. It is the sacrifice that He didn't have to endure, but did so that we may have it all!

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

4 years of absolute sweetness to 5 years

At 4 years old our Addie Mae is growing into such a sweet little woman.  With the pregnancy and birth of her littlest sister has really made Addie jump into her little self, her little mama of a self. 

Well she is very proud of being 4 now, she is happy to tell everyone and is adamant that because she is now 4 yrs. old she is grown. 

But regardless of the fact that she is still small and she believes she is so grown, she really is a very BIG help around the house for Mommy and Daddy. Just the other day she babysat Baby Eva while I took a shower. There have been a number of times that I have had to call on her to take her, intermittingly potty training not so, little sister to the potty and she does wonderfully, even to the point that sometimes Cara will request that Addie take her to the potty instead of one of us.
It is evident that life as officially caught up with me! Whew, being a full time working mother of 3 under the age of 5, well it takes up just a bit of my time. And though I think about posting blogs a lot I can never seem to get around to doing it. That being said, I started the beginning of this blog, well, last year and now we are on the brink of Addie Mae's 5th birthday. This little girl is the most amazing little almost 5 year old that I have ever met. She comprehends so much more than that of a 4 year old and though that can be trying at times for the adults in the house, we are so thankful that she does. Because what we can teach her she will more than likely teach her immediate little sister and to say that we can use all the help we can get with that, well that would be a correct statement, all the help. Addie is and has always been a mother figure, she nurtures and cares, she takes into consideration most of a situation to make and educated decision. She remembers just about everything we tell her and some so we usually don't have to tell her something twice, unless it's to stop bossing her sister around that is. She even gets in that mode sometimes that she tries to take the reins on Chris and I. But she thinks logically enough that sometimes she is more onto something than we are. Lately she has been in the cleaning/doing housework mode, always available and willing to lend a hand around the house. Eva just absolutely adores her, Addie and Eva really are like mother and daughter. Addie told me not to long ago that she wanted to work at Church, Target, be a rock star and a mommy, well that should give you a little insight into our lives. How is my baby girl turning 5 already??? She is ALL girl, and wants to have an Aurora party (not sure where that came from bc we don't really do much with Aurora, nor have we ever seen sleeping beauty) She says that she likes that she wears a pink dress and has a rose. So we shall see how that turns out. She loves doing crafts and is quite the little artist a trait that had to have come from her Grandpa Porter, she just has a vision of stuff that she wants to create and then creates it. She amazes me, always. We have been talking and I think that we are going to homeschool. Ideally we would like to be able to send her to a private school, but just can't afford that, so homeschooling is the next best option for us. I am excited and scared at the same time, but I don't think that Addie will be too hard to homeschool she loves doing work in her workbooks and stuff, plus she already knows a lot of what she needs to for Kindergarten. She can read a few sight words, can add (using her fingers) and some subtraction. So please pray for us as we go into uncharted waters this upcoming year.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

New Year uncertainties

Today I am sad, I really feel like I could cry at any given moment.  I have no clue why the day has started off wonderfully, Everyone was in a great waking mood this morning, I forgot nothing and work is going smoothly.  I started going over my calendar for the first of the year to ensure that I have everything scheduled properly I realized that in March Addie will be having her 5 year well visit, as well as her school check-up so that she can start school in the fall.
I am choking up just trying to type it out.  I am not prepared for this in fact I am quite the exact opposite of anything remotely prepared, to send my first born out into unknown territory. How do I express all of my concerns without sounding like a complete crazy person?  I don't know where to begin to do anything to prepare her or I, I don't even want to try.  I want my baby to stay with me so I can protect her and so that I can make sure that she learns what she needs to learn and not all of that extra stuff that other people teach their kids.  I want her to spend every day being cared for by someone that loves her more than life itself.  I don't want her to be bullied, I want to protect her sweet sweet soul from the destruction that the world is capable of.  I don't want to let her go, I never thought I would have THIS much agony and distress over this matter.
Due to Today being the day after a holiday, I have a shortened lunch so I only have 30 min, which is not quite enough time to go home and love on my girls and return back to work on time.  This really enhances my feelings of insecurity today, since those babies are my release, they take all of the bad in my life away, always. 
Money is super tight and then some(not that that is anyone’s problem but my own)therefore I cannot force myself to go and get something to eat from Bojangle's since that is not a necessary expense right now, so coffee will be my lunch and maybe whatever I can scrounge from my desk drawers.
I feel the weight of everyone else's pain on me,  I have many friends that are going through something right now I am very sad for them.  I take their concerns and feel them as they were my own concerns in my life and it really pulls me down further. 
I have spent a lot of time in prayer today and will probably spend a lot more, God is good and he bears my burdens, I am beyond thankful that I don't have to carry all of this alone.
Although I usually enjoy a good rainy dreary day, it could just be the weather.  There are just so many emotions going on right now.
This is going to be a great year, each new day is a blessing and I am thankful for the life I have been given.  I am thankful for Jesus and his sacrifice, I am thankful for the promise of forever with my Lord and Savior.