God answered my prayer with a heart attack.

Thursday, December 3rd was a very normal day, Chris had left in the morning when I left for work, dropped the girls at my parent's house, and went to Camp. We only spoke once when he got there and the rest of my day was in classes while he was to be working hard cleaning out the basement with Jon. Well throughout the day I had, had difficulty with my phone, couldn't make calls out, etc. so it was a wonder that Chris was able to get through to me when he did. But as I was pulling to the stoplight on my way to pick up the girls, he called and asked me a series of questions about heart attacks, all while seeming to be out of breath. When I asked, why, he replied with words a wife and mother of 3 small girls, NEVER wants to hear, "I think I'm having a heart attack".

Thankfully he was right near an Urgent Care Facility and I was able to turn at the light to head his way. Now, I can't say that I was completely with it at all from start to finish, but every moment I stopped and went to prayer, God was there. He never once, forsook me. Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” That gave me strength, every time, never once was He delayed. After he was in the door, I got one call out, to my mom and I will tell you, it was no easier saying it than it was to hear it. I couldn't have been 4 or 5 minutes behind him, when I got to his room they were hooking him up to the EKG, he was pale, clammy looking, taking very shallow breaths, delayed and weak. The nurse printed out maybe a 2 inch piece of the EKG reading and turned out the door, immediately the Dr. came in with a rush of information and instructions. "Mr. Hughes we think you are having a heart attack", "we have called 911", "the paramedics should be here shortly they will take you to the hospital", "do you have chest pain?”, “does it go through to your back?", "shortness of breath?", "do you have nausea/vomiting?", "do you have pain in your arm?", and with every answer, he confirmed and she lost color, “I am going to give you a baby aspirin, I want you to chew it, it will not taste good but you must chew it then we will give you nitroglycerin it will go under your tongue it will help with your pain." You know in the movies when the loved ones pass out from the shear shock of what is happening? Well that's real, I immediately felt the rush of reality, the realization that immortality is not real. I felt my heart break that my husband, the one being that knows me second best of all, the sole partner in my life, my children's father, the leader of my family was having a heart attack. I lost my breath, my heart literally skipped a few beats in pain, and I had to sit down and breathe. This was not in my control, we are in God's hands, the best possible hands to be in, He will sustain me. I got up and stood with him, then the paramedics arrived, they loaded him on the gurney hooked him to their machines, dropped another whole load of information on me at 5 sps(sentences per second) speed, we prayed, and they were gone. I left to meet them at the hospital.

By the time that I got to the ED (rush hour traffic...)the EMT driver was waiting for me at the door with my visitor pass, he walked me straight back to Chris in the holding room where about 20 nurses/attendings/etc. were waiting for me. Once I arrived I was whisked across the hall by 3 of them who then spoke to me about what was happening, what was going to happen and what needed to happen. Once they spoke with me they ran , literally, with police escorts and all down the hall to the Cath lab. After the emergency cath and stent, the Dr. came down to talk to me about what he found and how the procedure went. After explaining the procedure and what is to come, he wrapped up with "right now what we need to do is get all of our prayer warriors going, because prayer is what we need the most." Right then I was immediately at peace, God placed this man to be right where he needed to be to use his faith to guide him through caring for my husband. I am so thankful. Later I found out that the Cath lab had closed for the evening and everyone had left for the day when they called to notify them that Chris was on his way in by ambulance. The Dr. had to turn around and come back to the hospital and re-open the Cath lab for him. As we were going over his future limitations briefly, the Dr. says "so you run a youth camp?"...As sick as he was, having a heart attack and all, he's laying on the bed as the Dr. is about go into his heart and is talking about camp. There are times in our walk with Christ that He lifts us up that we might sing His praises, this was one of those times. As he still had breath to speak, God gave him the words, and I am so thankful for the strength that he was given to use the platform provided to share Christ.

We have been praying for so much lately, for direction with the camp, for clarity in our calling, for opportunity to share Christ, for time to get our house prepared to go on the market, for a break. I personally have been in prayer over feeling God move in my life, this was my answer. Never have I felt Him move more than he did that night or in the hours/days/weeks to come. God is so faithful to provide, we have been showered with support and love from many. With prayers that reached God's ear and He obliged so beautifully. To spare my best friend his life here on earth and to make us all stronger because of it. Blessings come in many different forms and though I can't count them all, I know that each was fitted perfectly by my Father just for me. Just like a diamond, there are numerous facets, that Christ has carved into us to make us shine brighter, it is our prayer that we never lose that sparkle. When we pray, our minds go to our ideal answers, God knows so much more than what we could ever fathom and I am thankful that He doesn't usually take my suggestions. His healing is so perfect, more than just physical, He heals spiritually so deeply that it causes an unrest that can only be calmed by His hand. To fall prostrate in awe and wonder has new meaning and I am thankful that it is not possible for me to feel the full effect of that in my current state, I am not worthy. One day I will know more and I pray that that day my soul will be completed in Him so that I will be able to feel all of His glory without exploding.

  Ephesians 3:14-21 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith-that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

I will leave you with this, God is good, this is the truth that I have and I live with every day in all things. He never fails and will never leave us. The moment that you come to this realization it will all make sense, everything will fall into place. I am not perfect, never have been and at best I am nowhere near worthy of His affection, yet He doesn't let my shortcomings interfere with His love or the abundance that He pours into me and our lives. In Christ I have been redeemed and God the Father sees me as righteous through His Son.  My praises will never end. Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. We are all called to do His will and we all have specifics, we need to pray for God to reveal them to us, that we may sacrifice our lives as He sacrificed His own.

  I am thankful and humbled that God chose Chris to use for His glory. This heart attack has been more of a blessing than I can express in words. I am so humbled at the way He chooses to display His great power and love for us. God IS good, all the time.

RIP Grand Caravan

In July 2014 we took a couple extra days off of work to take a long weekend beach trip. This would have been our first trip to the beach this summer and although we went to Disney World earlier this summer this was going to be our only "vacation", since who can really vacate in Disney World with 3 children, 5 and under. This also would have been Eva's very first trip out to the ocean since last year she was an infant not to mention she spent most of THAT trip in the hospital. So we were SUPER excited about this trip to say the least to get to play out on the beach as a family of five! We got a great head start, getting on the road by 1:30pm and were making great time! Eva started getting fussy a bit in as I realized that I had left her milk cup in the fridge at home. This presented no worries, because I had an extra cup and a bottle of water so we were going to be able to make do until we could get to the grocery store. Then she started complaining about her diaper, so we pulled off to change her only to find that we had forgotten not only the diaper bag but also the bag of diapers that I had packed. So we got back on the road, discouraged, but headed for the next available Wal-Mart. I do want to add that Addie (my little Mama)HAD in fact packed Eva some diapers. We could see off in the distance that there was a storm ahead of us, but we didn't realize that it was moving towards us. Just as we lost signal to our GPS the rain hit. We were doing just fine when I noticed that we had passed a few cars stopped under overpasses then I looked up to see that the two cars in front of us were hydroplaning. I just mentioned it nonchalantly to Chris when he replied "we are too, we have been hydroplaning this whole time". At that point we both looked back to check on the girls(Cara has a tendency to wiggle out of her seatbelt without us knowing)everyone was in their seats buckled doing exactly what they were supposed to. As I turned around I hear Chris say "here we go!" and then the back started to fishtail. During the next chain of events I can only remember bits and pieces... I remember seeing Chris' hands turning the steering wheel back and forth as he tried to keep us inline, and I could see everything outside the window spinning through my peripheral vision, but my eyes never left Cara. I was sitting angled to the side a bit and she was the only one in my view. All of a sudden something popped behind my head and we had stopped moving. When we stopped, we stopped perfectly in the middle of the median away from traffic. No sooner had we stopped, an eighteen wheeler shot past us in the left lane. I turned to the right to see the airbag had deployed immediately unbuckled and jumped in the back to check on the girls. They were fine, really scared and shaken up, so we started praying. We thanked God for his protection and asked for peace over our fears. Chris had gotten out of the car to assess the damages and call 911 when he got back in the car we prayed again. The storm was so severe outside that as soon as Chris got back into the car while we were praying the car was shaking back and forth vigorously from the rain, wind and thunder! Then all of a sudden, calm, the sun came out and all was clear. I believe it was when the airbag deployed, but within the mechanics of the van (as a security feature)it is set to automatically shut down so once the car stopped moving we were unable to turn it back on. We didn't sit there long before a couple of trucks on the other side of the road pulled over to check on us. Chris had already called 911 but we didn't know where we were, the GPS lost signal just moments before the accident( which I think may have been caused by the storm, if that's even possible). So thankfully they were able to tell us where we were, before we knew it 3 more trucks had pulled over on our side of the road and there were people putting cones out around our car and they were directing traffic around us. These people are volunteers that actually just drive the highways to assist people in need and I thank God that they were there. They were able to call us an ambulance and the highway patrol. I would say about 30 min later, although at this point I had no perception of time, the trooper showed up. I had yet to get out of the car but Chris said that he was pretty sure it was totaled. So I took this opportunity as Chris and the trooper were discussing the state of the vehicle to get out and take a look for myself, surely it wasn't THAT bad (I thought). But as I got out of the driver's side of the vehicle(since none of the doors would open on the passenger's side), well I then could see what he was talking about. See, when we started hydroplaning we spun, hitting the median on the passenger side, then we bounced back and spun around hitting the median on the driver's side, bouncing back out and spinning around another full revolution before coming to a stop. We probably went a half of mile before the car came to a stop. The median had basically cut around the vehicle like a can opener. But, you would really have to see it to get the full picture. After assessing the chain of events and the vehicle, They decided to try and start the car. It started!!!! So the trooper had us drive down the road a bit while he followed us to make sure that there was nothing leaking or falling off of the car and it drove perfectly, not so much as a pull from the wheel! No ticks nothing, so we drove home! It was nerve racking, but God carried us safely home. What a blessing it was to have God protect us as He did!!! Not only were we all safe with not so much as a scratch, but the settlement amount was plentiful for what we needed and just look at the beauty we were able to upgrade to! God is good in his constant protection and provisions, there is nothing more than I can say. I am overwhelmed by His grace that He gives us in abundance. I am thankful that He chose to cover our family during this and that we were able to walk away to give our testimony. Please, I beg of you, if you do not know Christ as your savior, please ask. Find Him and invite Him into your heart, it is not the protection that He has given us here on earth, but the protection that He has promised us beyond the here and now. It is the sacrifice that He didn't have to endure, but did so that we may have it all!

4 years of absolute sweetness to 5 years

At 4 years old our Addie Mae is growing into such a sweet little woman.  With the pregnancy and birth of her littlest sister has really made Addie jump into her little self, her little mama of a self. 

Well she is very proud of being 4 now, she is happy to tell everyone and is adamant that because she is now 4 yrs. old she is grown. 

But regardless of the fact that she is still small and she believes she is so grown, she really is a very BIG help around the house for Mommy and Daddy. Just the other day she babysat Baby Eva while I took a shower. There have been a number of times that I have had to call on her to take her, intermittingly potty training not so, little sister to the potty and she does wonderfully, even to the point that sometimes Cara will request that Addie take her to the potty instead of one of us.

It is evident that life as officially caught up with me! Whew, being a full time working mother of 3 under the age of 5, well it takes up just a bit of my time. And though I think about posting blogs a lot I can never seem to get around to doing it. That being said, I started the beginning of this blog, well, last year and now we are on the brink of Addie Mae's 5th birthday. This little girl is the most amazing little almost 5 year old that I have ever met. She comprehends so much more than that of a 4 year old and though that can be trying at times for the adults in the house, we are so thankful that she does. Because what we can teach her she will more than likely teach her immediate little sister and to say that we can use all the help we can get with that, well that would be a correct statement, all the help. Addie is and has always been a mother figure, she nurtures and cares, she takes into consideration most of a situation to make and educated decision. She remembers just about everything we tell her and some so we usually don't have to tell her something twice, unless it's to stop bossing her sister around that is. She even gets in that mode sometimes that she tries to take the reins on Chris and I. But she thinks logically enough that sometimes she is more onto something than we are. Lately she has been in the cleaning/doing housework mode, always available and willing to lend a hand around the house. Eva just absolutely adores her, Addie and Eva really are like mother and daughter. Addie told me not to long ago that she wanted to work at Church, Target, be a rock star and a mommy, well that should give you a little insight into our lives. How is my baby girl turning 5 already??? She is ALL girl, and wants to have an Aurora party (not sure where that came from bc we don't really do much with Aurora, nor have we ever seen sleeping beauty) She says that she likes that she wears a pink dress and has a rose. So we shall see how that turns out. She loves doing crafts and is quite the little artist a trait that had to have come from her Grandpa Porter, she just has a vision of stuff that she wants to create and then creates it. She amazes me, always. We have been talking and I think that we are going to homeschool. Ideally we would like to be able to send her to a private school, but just can't afford that, so homeschooling is the next best option for us. I am excited and scared at the same time, but I don't think that Addie will be too hard to homeschool she loves doing work in her workbooks and stuff, plus she already knows a lot of what she needs to for Kindergarten. She can read a few sight words, can add (using her fingers) and some subtraction. So please pray for us as we go into uncharted waters this upcoming year.

New Year uncertainties

Today I am sad, I really feel like I could cry at any given moment.  I have no clue why the day has started off wonderfully, Everyone was in a great waking mood this morning, I forgot nothing and work is going smoothly.  I started going over my calendar for the first of the year to ensure that I have everything scheduled properly I realized that in March Addie will be having her 5 year well visit, as well as her school check-up so that she can start school in the fall.

I am choking up just trying to type it out.  I am not prepared for this in fact I am quite the exact opposite of anything remotely prepared, to send my first born out into unknown territory. How do I express all of my concerns without sounding like a complete crazy person?  I don't know where to begin to do anything to prepare her or I, I don't even want to try.  I want my baby to stay with me so I can protect her and so that I can make sure that she learns what she needs to learn and not all of that extra stuff that other people teach their kids.  I want her to spend every day being cared for by someone that loves her more than life itself.  I don't want her to be bullied, I want to protect her sweet sweet soul from the destruction that the world is capable of.  I don't want to let her go, I never thought I would have THIS much agony and distress over this matter.

Due to Today being the day after a holiday, I have a shortened lunch so I only have 30 min, which is not quite enough time to go home and love on my girls and return back to work on time.  This really enhances my feelings of insecurity today, since those babies are my release, they take all of the bad in my life away, always. 

Money is super tight and then some(not that that is anyone’s problem but my own)therefore I cannot force myself to go and get something to eat from Bojangle's since that is not a necessary expense right now, so coffee will be my lunch and maybe whatever I can scrounge from my desk drawers.

I feel the weight of everyone else's pain on me,  I have many friends that are going through something right now I am very sad for them.  I take their concerns and feel them as they were my own concerns in my life and it really pulls me down further. 

I have spent a lot of time in prayer today and will probably spend a lot more, God is good and he bears my burdens, I am beyond thankful that I don't have to carry all of this alone.

Although I usually enjoy a good rainy dreary day, it could just be the weather.  There are just so many emotions going on right now.

This is going to be a great year, each new day is a blessing and I am thankful for the life I have been given.  I am thankful for Jesus and his sacrifice, I am thankful for the promise of forever with my Lord and Savior.

Pure Sweetness

Addie has been doing so great lately.  She has been listening and obeying wonderfully, you can tell that there has been a change, that she is trying to follow direction.  She even tries to help keep Cara in line, the other night as we were eating Cara kept turning around and playing Chris asked her to  turn around and like usual she didn’t even acknowledge him, until Addie tapped her on the shoulder and whispered into her ear ”please turn around and eat” to which she did. She has been doing wonderfully memorizing her Bible verses for Awana so last night after reciting her Bible verse for the night along with her previous ones and then putting on her shoes after only being asked once, she walked over to stand beside me while I was feeding Eva dinner.  I thought, she is really doing well I wonder what she would like if we were to reward her for doing so good lately; so I asked, “Addie, if you were to have something special, what would it be?” and without skipping a beat, she replied “you!” Wow could this little girl melt my heart any more than she already has?!  I love her so much!!

Life with 3 under 5

How is life with 3 under the age of five?  Absolutely wonderful!  I couldn’t be loving it more! The big girls are a great help they are both little mommies, and the baby is just the sweetest thing under the sun!  Now I am not saying that times don’t get tough, because they do but, hands down, the good outweighs the bad.  I really wouldn’t even consider those times bad, they are just times when Mommy gets a chance to talk to God more, and times that I can practice myself control. 

I am thankful that I have a Lord and Savior that listens to my every prayer.  I have always been in need of control,  it is just way too easy for me to “fly off the handle” but we have been working on this and I feel good!  I do still have my moments where I need to step away but I can definitely see an improvement.  I ran across a blog the other day about a mother that has gone 1 whole year, 365 days without raising her voice at her children.  I could only imagine what that would be like, right now, but I am surely going to work at it.  My Addie is such a sweet soul, I feel like I am destroying a bit of that every time I yell at her and it absolutely crushes me to see that in her eyes.  And God, being so forgiving and gracious sends her sweetness right back to my lap every time.  I am so thankful for second chances because the Lord knows that I need them over and over again.  Cara, she’s special, she’s strong, but she’s sweet.  I think that the reason she bucks at us so much is because we cut her down so quickly without hearing her out.  This new movement will hopefully cure this ailment in our household as well.

If you had asked me years and years ago I would have never thought that I would LOVE having 3 girls like I do, but yet again the Lord knows best and He has given me a gift not many can say they have.  I could not express to you enough how much I am loving having 3 girls, LOVE THEM!!  I don’t think I could have a boy, just knowing how different they are.  Did I mention that seeing my husband be so involved in these little girl’s lives just makes me fall in love with him even more?!!  HE is a real man.  He is so amazing,  I just can’t describe how amazing he really is!!  There is no way that I could put into words how thankful I am for him, he makes life so easy for us and I know that he secretly takes on more so that I am not overwhelmed.  I don’t deserve him.

I did go back to work at the beginning of the month and Chris has been staying at home with the girls,  it’s kinda great, for me, hopefully for him too.  The baby is up promptly at 5:30/6 every morning  which gives me time to get some stuff done, because after she eats she goes right back to sleep usually until after I am gone. Chris and the girls come see me periodically during the day so that I can nurse Eva and then I am home for lunch, which is usually prepared and waiting on me when I get there.  Then dinner when I get home, clothes are washed, house is clean and dishes are done.  He’s super daddy!  I know that it’s probably not what he was expecting life to be like, but it sorta seems like his calling, cause he’s sorta super great at being a daddy/house husband…

I knew that it would be easier with 3, not only that but it is just WAY more fun.  I am so full!  Blessed.

Eva's Birth Story

Our due date of April 5^th came and went, we even made a trip to the hospital thinking if maybe I was dilated enough they would keep me, but alas I was no more than 1.5cm, so walking we went….

And we walked and walked, you would not believe how swollen I was JUST from walking.

Sunday April 7^th rolled around and I started leaking some fluid, not knowing if it was my water or not since it wasn’t a steady stream and nothing had gushed out I called the Dr.  they advised me to head on to the hospital and they could test if it was amniotic  fluid.  It wasn’t, and I was only a 2, so home we went, again….

Took the girls to Mama and Dadyd’s just in case  and after having to see the pain in my little girl’s eyes as I left her behind, I was so heartbroken I couldn’t handle it!  So we went home and settled in with no labor in sight….

I started having Braxton Hicks contractions around 10 and decided just to go to bed, I wasn’t in the mood to sit up anyway since my whole family wasn’t at home together, so I left Chris watching TV and I went to bed.  I had had Braxton Hicks contractions for the last 5 months of the pregnancy so it wasn’t like I was dealing with any new symptoms or anything.  Just to be on the safe side though I got out my contraction counter and started timing them.  I went to sleep fast and woke up just long enough with each contraction to start and stop the timer.  Eventually they got strong, really strong, but they weren’t consistent to I stayed put, no more false alarms for this Mama. Some where around midnight I just couldn’t stay put any longer and my husband was NOT in bed yet, for a laboring Mama this was pretty frustrating and I started getting peeved.  I contemplated getting up and going down the hall to inform him of my unhappiness and then the contraction subsided.  So I let myself rest during the downtime.  Also during said downtime and into the incline of another he showed up… I did speak some of my displeasure during this contraction but allowed him to lay beside me.  I might add that I should have made him wait until I was out of the contraction before he laid down though… I think I made it another 20 min or so of, still inconsistent, every minute or so contractions before I just got up and started walking to the door.  Not saying a word I just let Chris follow me.  He tried to talk to me to make sure I was ok, but I just couldn’t get anything out of my mouth.  As he ran around the house to make sure everything was in order I went straight to the car to wait for him.  Luckily the car was already packed as it had been for the week prior…

On to the hospital, NO WORDS were spoken… As we got there he let me out at the door, unlike our previous labors, I allowed this and quietly got out and walked to the mother’s ward to be admitted while he parked.  I made it in and managed to get a seat before the next contraction, I was just going to wait for him, but she said that she could go ahead and check me in, so I quietly yet carefully made it through that process alone.  Again I was going to wait but she insisted that I go on up and she would send Chris up when he got there, so up I went.  Just as my next contraction hit, the elevator lifted and I thought I was going to hit the floor, I now know the purpose of those handles along the sides of the elevators.  I made it into triage and they checked me, I still wasn’t past a 3.5 and my contractions still weren’t consistent they kept me anyway because she could see on the monitor the intensity of the contractions and like I said some were 5 min apart and then some were 1 min apart.  But they were strong by this point!  Chris finally made it to triage as the nurse was getting me settled in.

I may have been in there 30 min or so before they got me into a room,  the nurse asked me if I was going to have an epidural I responded yes and she called anesthesia without even asking if I was ready for it yet,  I guess she didn’t need to ask…

The anesthesiologist showed up shortly thereafter, however I was unaware until after the epidural was in that he was just a resident( a big difference).  Needless to say my epidural didn’t go as smoothly as the first two.  After a VERY long time of trial and error (not what you want during full on labor) he was able to get my epidural sort of right.  I just couldn’t take him reinserting it anymore, it was enough to get some rest so I let it be,  I still felt most of my labor on my right side.  Chris said that he basically used my back as a human pin cushion.  I felt so bad for Chris bc he had to sit there uncomfortably in front of me this whole time holding his arms in the air in order to reach my hands.  I know it took at least 30 min for him to get my line placed where in the past maybe 10-15 min tops!  After all of that fun was over we laid down to get some rest.

When morning came around Chris went downstairs to get some breakfast and he wasn’t gone for 5 min before I felt like I needed to push so I called the nurse and then I called him.  Then while waiting for the nurse I felt some fluid come out, it felt like it was just a little bit so I wasn’t alarmed (I couldn’t feel anything anyway) bc I thought it was urine.  When the nurse came in I told her about that and that I thought that it may have just been urine so she checked me and I was at an 8.  So she said let me call the Dr and see if he is ready.  After she left I called Chris and told him that he better get up there right then, I was really about to have that baby before he got back, before I got off the phone with him I had the urge to push so strong that I had to call the nurse back.  She came in and Chris was right behind her,  She said that Dr. Thompson was in surgery doing a C-section, ironically enough we have heard those exact same words before, she told me that she wanted me to do a practice push, so I did and her head came down!  She said that my water had broken (must’ve been what I felt earlier) so she went and called him back.  Dr. Thompson came in not long after that, and good thing too bc I really needed to push!  He walked in said his hellos and said I am just gonna stand back and watch you do a few practice pushes, ok so I Chris and the nurse held my legs and I pushed….Immediately Dr. Thompson jumped up and told me to hold off, DO NOT PUSH, her head came out on that practice push and he didn’t even have his table unwrapped!  They quickly started running around getting everything together, put me in the stirrups, didn’t even lay me back, 3 pushes later…We had baby number 3!

Evangeline(with a long I) Gray Hughes, 8lbs 3oz, 19 ¾ in long born at 8:31am.  A perfect little miracle!